How I'm Getting By
a self taught guide to surviving post-grad life
First of all, thank you to everyone who subscribed since my last post on Tennis’s farewell. I’ve gotten a few people reach out to talk about it, so I’m thankful for each and every interaction.
Speaking of which, I had a friend inquire more on the theme of the article and asked:
“…next year will be my last year in college and how I’ll have to say goodbye to this life that I have settled in and grown so fond of. What was it like first getting out of college? Would you have any advice for me, a fellow creative?” - anonymous instagram friend
At first, I didn’t think I had anything to offer. I mostly still think the same way because I’m still figuring it out. However, I don’t think said friend is asking for a perfect answer but rather a word of advice from how my past year has gone. Particularly, I had a bit of a rougher senior year + first half of the summer for personal reasons but I found things that helped. Here’s a brief summary for you, dear friend:
Be Present.
Its easy go get lost in thought about how your time in college is coming to an end. It’s good to sit with your feelings, but ruminating on the fact might actually detract you from being present with friends which could make your feelings worse in hindsight.
Be open to saying yes to new opportunities, hangouts and spontaneous events but know and keep your boundaries. Savor the moment(s) but know your limits; you can’t do everything you want to do. Be sure to take photos/videos but don’t obsess with capturing every second! I’ve had this phenomenon in concerts where the more photos and videos I take, the less I feel like I enjoyed the concert. I think it would be applicable in this scenario.
For me personally; I really didn’t process my college years coming to a close until I moved the tassel across my graduation cap.
I think it takes knowing that like most transitions in life; it takes time to adapt and make sense of thing. That said, you’ve already survived life post high school. It won’t be the last time you’ll go through change. It doesn’t get easier, you just get better.
Also, I found that phone calls with just about everyone I could get ahold of kept me sane. All of the above apply to post-grad life as well.
“No ones knows what they’re doing.”
This is the response from a friend I got who recently turned 26 after I asked her advice for someone in their 20s. I don’t think she meant it in a bad way, but rather a reminder that we’re all figuring out as we go. No one really knows what they’re doing; or if they do, they don’t know for sure how it’ll turn out.
With instant gratification and access to many people’s highlights on social media, there’s a desire to have it figured out right out of college; at the latest a couple months post grad ahead of the fall. That couldn’t be farther from the truth.
I know it might look like other people getting engaged/married left and right or spamming their social media with their latest trip to Italy or Japan seems like they’re ahead of life; but it really doesn’t. Don’t get me wrong, these are great things to celebrate but it is not an invitation for comparison and a possible guilt spiral.
A lot of life choices come with more hardships and challenges they might not have initially considered or have been prepared for. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have goals, strive for excellence or even avoid seasons of confusion and discomfort. Rather, it is an invitation to be flexible with outcomes and be aware that whatever struggles or questions we might have; you’re not alone in it. Be patient, resilient and loosen up a bit.
Start doing cool sh*t (or keep doing it)
In times of transition, I’ve felt greatly anchored by reconnecting with my hobbies. I got so busy with college in my last year or so that I had stopped shooting film as much and as intentionally as I would’ve. I decided to pick it up again after graduating and felt so much relief. My curiosity struck up again; and I began writing/recording songs and picked up a miniDV camera to record small moments of the summer.
I wasn’t doing photoshoots for magazines or recording studio albums; not that I wanted to anyway. I was doing things at a reasonable pace and scale. I did enough to enjoy the craft; that might look different to you.
I want to mention that it is totally okay to do these things as an emotional outlet as opposed to wanting to learn/do it for fun. I think that’s healthy, actually.
Bigger picture, this activity can just be something consistent that brings relief and a break from things. This could be going for a walk every day, journaling if you don’t already, becoming a local at a coffee shop on Saturday mornings—you name it.
I have a roommate who always calls their siblings weekly to catch up on life; and I find that endearing. It’s always something in his schedule and is a non-negotiable. Having an activity that grounds you and brings consistency to an unpredictable week or season can help greatly.
Believe in Something
It’s natural for this period to make oneself reflect on the “bigger picture” or even question what you know/believe up to that point.
I urge you to do some soul searching and reflect on your values, beliefs and why you do what you do and what for. This can greatly clarify your passions, goals and purpose down the line. As a Catholic, I see my sufferings as a path towards sanctification and my joys as a sign of God’s love and a taste of what follows after death. I know that whatever struggles I go through won’t last forever and that the story doesn’t stop here.
I am not telling you what do believe in specifically, but believe in something. Have faith and hope!
Personally I’ve found that prayer has helped greatly—silent prayer particularly. St. Padre Pio, a Catholic saint and mystic described prayer as “oxygen for the soul.” It allows me to find peace, reflection and entrust the things I go through to God. I’m not perfect at it or even consistent as I’d like, but that’s being human.
Hope this helps and I wish you the best,
Santi